2015 Dorothy Awards, March 7, 2015
Can I tell you a secret?
If you've attended the Dorothy Awards hosted by the New Haven Pride Center, you will know that I've been photographing the event for them every year since 2012.
What you didn't know, is that the 2012 shoot was a near disaster. And I mean DISASTER.
So let's travel back to March of 2012, when I was shooting on a near daily basis for Community Health Center, Inc. (CHC) and working as a mail carrier for USPS every Saturday and Monday to boot. I was in the middle of a very messy, mean, nasty divorce. I owned only one Canon 7D, an external flash, and a kit lens, a 24mm f/2.8 prime lens, and of course the famous "nifty 50"--Canon's $99 50mm f/1.8 prime lens.
This was how I walked into the first Dorothy Awards shoot, after having put in a solid 8 hours for USPS, and driving an hour away from home--to Fantasia, a banquet facility in North Haven. Already spent, in other words.
I walked into the ballroom at Fantasia and just about shat an entire yellow brick road. There were bright red spotlights illuminating the room, a far cry from the dinners I was used to shooting in crappy light situations for CHC. There were two other photographers shooting that night as well--might I add, neither of whom were self taught and one of whom had far superior equipment to my own.
Ohgodohgodohgod
!!!
Instantly I knew the only two lenses I could shoot the entire night with were the two primes I had.
That's it. Two primes.
And do you know why? Because I was one of those jerks who couldn't figure out her $500 Speedlite (external flash). Like many photographers, I HATE the flash. HATE. Natural light all the way, even if it is bright-freaking-red! (hi, fauxtographers!)
Overheard that night in the ballroom, "She's shooting without the flash? That takes B-A-L-L-S."
TOTAL DISASTER. I would never live down the shame of this night, they would never invite me back, ohgodohgodohgod.
SHOOT ANYWAY.
If you've attended the Dorothy Awards hosted by the New Haven Pride Center, you will know that I've been photographing the event for them every year since 2012.
What you didn't know, is that the 2012 shoot was a near disaster. And I mean DISASTER.
So let's travel back to March of 2012, when I was shooting on a near daily basis for Community Health Center, Inc. (CHC) and working as a mail carrier for USPS every Saturday and Monday to boot. I was in the middle of a very messy, mean, nasty divorce. I owned only one Canon 7D, an external flash, and a kit lens, a 24mm f/2.8 prime lens, and of course the famous "nifty 50"--Canon's $99 50mm f/1.8 prime lens.
This was how I walked into the first Dorothy Awards shoot, after having put in a solid 8 hours for USPS, and driving an hour away from home--to Fantasia, a banquet facility in North Haven. Already spent, in other words.
I walked into the ballroom at Fantasia and just about shat an entire yellow brick road. There were bright red spotlights illuminating the room, a far cry from the dinners I was used to shooting in crappy light situations for CHC. There were two other photographers shooting that night as well--might I add, neither of whom were self taught and one of whom had far superior equipment to my own.
Ohgodohgodohgod
!!!
Instantly I knew the only two lenses I could shoot the entire night with were the two primes I had.
That's it. Two primes.
And do you know why? Because I was one of those jerks who couldn't figure out her $500 Speedlite (external flash). Like many photographers, I HATE the flash. HATE. Natural light all the way, even if it is bright-freaking-red! (hi, fauxtographers!)
Overheard that night in the ballroom, "She's shooting without the flash? That takes B-A-L-L-S."
TOTAL DISASTER. I would never live down the shame of this night, they would never invite me back, ohgodohgodohgod.
SHOOT ANYWAY.
What the hell was I thinking, calling myself a professional? Everything is red! White balance is for the birds!
One of the other photographers handed me his camera (a 5D Mark II) for a group photo, which was fine because I knew he had done all the settings and all I had to do was frame and shoot. (Though I did steal a glimpse at his settings, totally. Thanks Kenn!) I was glad to see how his photo turned out, because my shot of the same group was just...oh forget it.
Halfway through the night I told Josh, one of the organizers, not to pay me for the shoot, so the pressure was off. I can't say that made the photos any better, because it really didn't.
I went back to Norwich feeling very defeated, but ready to work on it the following day.
Halfway through the night I told Josh, one of the organizers, not to pay me for the shoot, so the pressure was off. I can't say that made the photos any better, because it really didn't.
I went back to Norwich feeling very defeated, but ready to work on it the following day.
I was so emo about this I didn't even get the date right - 2011? LOL. Look, isn't that this blog post in the background? Isn't that the plot line for Inception? I didn't see the movie.
So the next day I set to work on the photos from the event. It didn't look good, but I figured since I did it for free, I would salvage what I could. That red wash on the photos made such a mess of everything! I flailed around in photoshop and drank a couple liters of Mountain Dew.
Suddenly this...
Suddenly this...
Became THIS...
and ended up here:
April 2012 Cover of Metroline!
(Which I discovered a year later.)
(Which I discovered a year later.)
Out of the 1400+ photos I had taken that night, I was able to only salvage 102.
102. Less than 10 percent. What remained was so over-processed that I knew it was really pushing the limits of acceptable.
102. Less than 10 percent. What remained was so over-processed that I knew it was really pushing the limits of acceptable.
That week, I threw down $1600 on a new lens (the Canon 24-70 f/2.8 L series), vowing to never let this happen again. A good photographer never blames his equipment--but a good photographer also knows that equipment has limits.
Fast-forward to March 2013, and things had changed! I had just moved days before, everything was in boxes in Brent's race car trailer. I was working in a new USPS office on a terrible route that was very long, but since the previous Dorothy's I had upgraded all of my equipment and had a bunch of L-series lenses...
...but CHC had just disappeared from my client list, and I was very much still in the middle of a crisis of confidence. (They said it wasn't my fault, budget blown, etc etc etc...but I still blamed myself.)
However, red spotlights be damned, at least I knew how to deal with them! My only complaint is that I can't see well enough to know when my camera is in perfect focus thanks to astigmatism. Excuses, excuses. Nothing irks me more than seeing a blown shot on the screen that looked fine in the camera. NOTHING. So I blew some shots, but overall didn't feel bad about the 2013 Dorothy's.
Fast-forward to March 2013, and things had changed! I had just moved days before, everything was in boxes in Brent's race car trailer. I was working in a new USPS office on a terrible route that was very long, but since the previous Dorothy's I had upgraded all of my equipment and had a bunch of L-series lenses...
...but CHC had just disappeared from my client list, and I was very much still in the middle of a crisis of confidence. (They said it wasn't my fault, budget blown, etc etc etc...but I still blamed myself.)
However, red spotlights be damned, at least I knew how to deal with them! My only complaint is that I can't see well enough to know when my camera is in perfect focus thanks to astigmatism. Excuses, excuses. Nothing irks me more than seeing a blown shot on the screen that looked fine in the camera. NOTHING. So I blew some shots, but overall didn't feel bad about the 2013 Dorothy's.
I even landed another Metroline cover! However...I never saw it, I don't even know which photo it was. If anyone has a copy of the April 2013 issue of Metroline, I would really appreciate either a copy or a photo of the cover.
By 2014 you would think I've got this down pat, right?
Of course not! I was 8 weeks pregnant in the throes of morning sickness (which translates to all day sickness). Brent came with me on the shoot as an assistant to do the Step and Repeat photos, and I had put in a very long day at USPS again (you'd think I would learn to just take Saturdays off for the Dorothy's by now...) and we barely even got there on time. I was overly confident that I nailed it until I started editing and I was just not happy with what I was seeing. Still, I submitted photos the same as I always did and figured it wasn't a big deal to anyone but myself.
Of course not! I was 8 weeks pregnant in the throes of morning sickness (which translates to all day sickness). Brent came with me on the shoot as an assistant to do the Step and Repeat photos, and I had put in a very long day at USPS again (you'd think I would learn to just take Saturdays off for the Dorothy's by now...) and we barely even got there on time. I was overly confident that I nailed it until I started editing and I was just not happy with what I was seeing. Still, I submitted photos the same as I always did and figured it wasn't a big deal to anyone but myself.
However I was wrong and someone wasn't happy with the photos submitted. So--crisis of confidence over losing CHC still ONGOING even though it had been two freaking years-- I said to hell with everything and put all of my equipment up for sale, until I realized that it wasn't worth selling at 1/4 what I paid for it and I would never get it back again. When I was working for CHC I could afford to upgrade to professional equipment but that certainly was no longer in the cards. So while I was very public about selling my equipment, I had only sold my lighting to Brent's brother, and quietly took my for sale postings down and decided to re-think the whole thing.
I figured the Dorothy's were done for, though. I didn't think I'd be asked to come back. I left USPS in August and had my little boy in October. I was only using my camera to do product photography for my own Etsy shop.
I figured the Dorothy's were done for, though. I didn't think I'd be asked to come back. I left USPS in August and had my little boy in October. I was only using my camera to do product photography for my own Etsy shop.
In January of this year my friend, Josh, contacted me asking if I still had my equipment and if I would be up to doing the Dorothy's. Say...what? What happened to the person who wasn't happy with 2014? Josh said I would receive a shot list so I would know what to shoot this year. Okay, I've done shot lists. I wouldn't have to worry about the Step and Repeat. Okay, okay, okay. For those of you who don't know--I've known Josh since 2002 when we were at Fairfield U. together &, we've been close friends since 2003. He's had the misfortune of seeing me at my worst probably more times than either one of us cares to admit, LOL.
A couple of days before the Dorothy's, Josh sent me a shot list, so I figured we would be ready to go, until I looked at it. Turns out he had accidentally sent me the rundown of Coronation for the Imperial Sovereign Court of all of CT. Crisis averted, he sent me the correct shot list the next day. Other small crisises involved finding my clothes that I hadn't worn since the previous Dorothy's which took 4 freaking hours and one of my backup batteries and chargers was missing...and still is...come to think of it I should ask if anyone has seen them...I didn't want to post the day before the Dorothy's because I didn't want anyone else to lose more confidence in me than I lose in myself. I have more than one backup battery, but still.
Come showtime, my little boy decided to be up all night and I went into the Dorothy's on THREE HOURS OF SLEEP. (You know what? My little boy is chewing on my arm right now as I type this. I should feed him.)
A couple of days before the Dorothy's, Josh sent me a shot list, so I figured we would be ready to go, until I looked at it. Turns out he had accidentally sent me the rundown of Coronation for the Imperial Sovereign Court of all of CT. Crisis averted, he sent me the correct shot list the next day. Other small crisises involved finding my clothes that I hadn't worn since the previous Dorothy's which took 4 freaking hours and one of my backup batteries and chargers was missing...and still is...come to think of it I should ask if anyone has seen them...I didn't want to post the day before the Dorothy's because I didn't want anyone else to lose more confidence in me than I lose in myself. I have more than one backup battery, but still.
Come showtime, my little boy decided to be up all night and I went into the Dorothy's on THREE HOURS OF SLEEP. (You know what? My little boy is chewing on my arm right now as I type this. I should feed him.)
Yeah, should definitely feed him instead of writing a blog post no one will read. LOOK AT THAT FACE.
So you know what I did? I broke my cardinal rule of not drinking coffee the day of a shoot (so my hands don't get shaky) and drank an extra large regular from Dunkin on my way down to North Haven. I hadn't even had coffee with caffeine since I found out I was pregnant--more than a year before.
WHATEVER.
When I showed up at Fantasia, immediately someone remarked that they thought I wasn't going to be shooting this year, but he was so warm and welcoming I felt so much better about doing the shoot. I was pretty talkative thanks to the coffee. Can you tell I drank an entire pot today?
As for the shoot itself, it's not like I haven't been learning how to do things properly since 2012, I do know how my flash works finally, though I prefer not to use it. I would certainly hope I've learned something.
WHATEVER.
When I showed up at Fantasia, immediately someone remarked that they thought I wasn't going to be shooting this year, but he was so warm and welcoming I felt so much better about doing the shoot. I was pretty talkative thanks to the coffee. Can you tell I drank an entire pot today?
As for the shoot itself, it's not like I haven't been learning how to do things properly since 2012, I do know how my flash works finally, though I prefer not to use it. I would certainly hope I've learned something.
As for that awful red spotlight, I look forward to it.
Here's to next year's Dorothy Awards, and I will see you all there!
Here's to next year's Dorothy Awards, and I will see you all there!
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